There is this dance I like to do whenever am happy, or excited, or thrilled. It's called the "Agalio" dance. I got it from my roommates some time in my final year in the university. They got it from their church; it was some symbol of joy or excitement, which was supposed to be the overall feeling in church. Afterall, it's said that in the presence of God, there is fullness of joy. I started doing this dance, and gradually, gradually, it stuck. It became a reflex action that happens whenever I'm a little bit excited.
On this fateful day, I had this little episode that somehow wanted to put a stop to my Agalio dance. I had a mighty fall that landed me heavily on my chest. The fall left me gasping for breath for a few seconds. Somehow, it had this effect on my chest that's left a hollow, dull pain somewhere deep in my chest. This pain, though subtle, stops me from indulging in little little things I'd been doing prior to the fall without even realising it. Things I take for granted. For one, am not able to do my Agalio dance as energetic and eager as I used to. Even when as a reflex action, I switch to the dance, the pain unapologetically reminds me that hey, you can't do that, not as you used to before.
The other day I won some folks at a Ludo game. The excitement at the win was heightened because I wasn't taken serious at the game. My, I was blatantly told- babe, you no fit win this game. And I was like-- no worry, I go shock you. They didn't believe me. Apart from the fact that it's been quite long I played the ludo game, a matter of 12 years or more, and I never hesitated at drumming that piece of factual info into their ears; somehow I don't know why I use to have this effect on people, this fragile-effect. I don't like it. Not-the-am-a-feminist-type-of-I-don't-like-it, but I simply don't like it. It has this weak undertone and innuendo that annoys me. One incidence out of many, I remember, is when sometime ago, I made a post on my 3 weeks NYSC camp experience, as much as I could abridge into some post without it becoming dreary. I talked about parades, and my take on it, how it affected me. I also talked about how I had some guys asking me to represent the platoon for the NYSC pageantry, and how I declined. This friend of mine called me up, and after some chit-chats on how service was going, and how 'classroom' was daily happening. After mentioning that my students must be excited and lucky to have me, he said, and I decided to read in between the lines, that he'd have loved to see me actually teaching in the classroom. To observe all my feminine charm, and ardour, how I would look like teaching the kids, how my whole anatomy, and facial make would be incensed and lit up, each part dutifully engaged in its own part in communicating whatever it was I was communicating at a given time. I asked, deliberately, to expansiate, what he meant by all that. He was having a hard time. I didn't mind, I didn't pity him. This had been going on for too long, and I really needed to get an explanation from a scapegoat, him. So I asked him, what do you mean. He then referred me to my post, telling me that I should have yielded to those guys asking me to go for the pseudo pageantry, and that I didn't have any business getting involved with any form of parade whatsoever. I wasn't done with him. What do you mean by that, still, I probed, further. By now, his throat was getting all clogged up, but I still didn't care. I was already at where he was trying to arrive at, I'd gotten the cue, but seriously I was tired of having people see me like that. Looking at me and seeing only an attractive petite woman who doesn't have the physical body structure for indulging in any form of manual work. To me, that is synonymous to being useless, completely redundant. Still, this position is not because I am a feminist. I am not. Not the type plenty folks are quick to lay claim to. So, I asked him to explain himself. He attempted to do that by asking me to sincerely explain what, and how I would be able to manage a parade on the parade ground with all my very delicate and 'abridged' body parts, that that was not my thing, that I should focus on going for pagaentries, doing catwalks, and maybe being a beautiful woman. This, I consider, demeaning, very demeaning, even though I didn't tell him that, at least not in those very words. On the parade ground were people, different kinds of people, male and female, everybody was there. People with and without sickness were there, terminal or not. Everybody remained there until those who fainted did and were taken to the medical centre. Come to think of it, I didn't faint, I've never even fainted in my entire life. I am not the weakest in the group. I do not even fall into the last thirty percentile of weakest people. Why was he saying such things to me. What is the very fragile thing about me that would make people have such conclusions about me, albeit telling me to go for delicate things, like pagaentries. Who the heck cares about pagaentries, and stuffs like that. I can do a catwalk, naturally, but I can as well do a manual work like others, at least others my size do. I know my limits, I do not try to overdo or show off. If I can't, I'd say. For one, I know I have issues with fetching of water. I don't like this particular chore. I could give you money, if I had, to do it for me. Although with my family background, and history, you have no business forming I can not fetch water, or any other thing of the sort, lol.
To the original gist. Those people practically dared me to my face that I cannot win the game. Maybe on the grounds that such things were for the thickened ones, the street-bred, not for the fragile ones like me. Sometimes, these type of hasty conclusions make me laugh. All these people do not know I actually have more 'pako' than 'butter' inside of me. I am very much stronger than I look. By strength, of course, I do not just mean physical. In fact, I mean a whole lot of things but physical. Agreed, one of the opponents was some Delta girl with all the Warri stereotypes. No, seriously, she was a typical Warri-breed. I was challenged, but I played it down, I jokingly said I would show them, and show them I did, I won. And I was happy. The kind of happy I felt was the type they could not understand. It was the type of se-you-think-it's-only-to-cross-my-legs-and-do-catwalks-that-I-can-manage-but-see-I-beat-you-at-your-Ludo-game-type-of-happy. And so automatically, my feet began, the rest of my body picked it up, my Agalio dance. Then, it struck me, a chord, from my heart, fortissimo, or a similar musical term, gradually becoming louder, clearly warning me.. You can't do that again, you can't do your Agalio dance again, not the way you would have really wanted to do it. That moment, something crashed inside of me. So, even Agalio, just Agalio, I can't do anyhow now. It was a sad moment. But I didn't let it show. Nobody noticed. Because I continued doing my Agalio, albeit with reduced friction on my chest.
Appreciate what you have while you still have it. If I had known a time would come when I wouldn't be able to do my Agalio dance anytime I wanted to. I would have done more than I did before. Both when I was excited and not. I would have done even more than that. I would have done a lot more than that, and have some of it video recorded so I can help myself whenever I felt like. But I didn't. I took it for granted, even if it was without my consciousness.
Appreciate what you have while you still have it.
Appreciate who you have while they're still there.
(P. S: MY CHEST IS Fine, WITHOUT ANY PAIN OO!)
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